TOP OF THE DAY
03 June 2005
i don't know why the hell i cant slp.
tossing and turning in bed. still cant slp, so get out of bed and use com. read entries of the past in my old blog. thank goodness its still there.
read and read. i discover i had alot of unfufilled promises. i had letdown alot of people. friends and family. and of course, myself, its my life afterall.
i took chance to reflect upon myself. this few years what have i done, be it good or bad, positive or negative. for those bad things, i blame it on my luck, things around me, people aroud me and events around me. but did i blame myself? even if i did, did i change for the better? sadly to say, i made not much significant improvement.
neither here nor there. what am i?
in my life, have i really accomplished something that make my life worthwhile if it were to end now?
have i done my parents proud?
was i a good friend?
all this questions would result in a negative answer.
exams. i read how i wanted to work hard in those entries. but did i really work hard enough for it to show? no, my effort was insignificant, almost neligible. i can tell how disappointed my teachers parents and my sis were. then now i am here regret about this about that, blame this blame that. why cant i chase the laziness out of me? why cant i stop regreting? when will i learn?
she. yes she. many of you wont expect me to talk about her now. but through those entries, i found out what i have fell short of. this is a classic example of me getting neither here nor there. i wasn't exactly that good bf and all the more am i not a good friend. i promised i will strike the balance. in the end i dint do that. i find reasons for myself. at the end of the day, those are just excuses. plain rubbish. i just would like to apologise to my friends, who welcomed me back, and her, no matter will you read it anot.
i know many will say that whats the use of saying all this now. what is more important is that u learn and pick up from here, move on. its never too late. i know this meaning myself. but i need to get to that learning part.
perhaps two years later, i will be reading this entry. by that time, had i changed for the better? or had i remain stagnant or worse still, had i turn from bad to worse? only time has the answer.
yes, time will tell and people around me will be the judge.
until that day arrived, i still have to learn from my mistakes. as i had said, its my life. if i dont do it for myself, who will do it for me?
so i should grab hold of the time and go do some homework now! lol my change wont be that fast la.. sorry ppl, made u all through this rubbish of mine, maybe some of you dint even read. i think i am affected by darren blog. always so emo. making me emotional as well. just now wanted to get emotional with justin also, but ended up scolding each other ( for fun la )
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actually dint wanna update today wan ( i mean 2nd june ) cause i was really tired after that rock climbing. i know you all were anxious about the result. so i shall announce the second result.
for those that choose 2. 7105, it meant that you have already got a honey le. so xin fu! must must really treasure each other! for those who dont have, good luck to whoever you are wooing now! ppl like darren etc. lol.
thanks goodness there is such thing as blog. why?
1. kill time
2. reflect oneself
3. regain memories! thats what make up your life!
